Archives for posts with tag: lesbian couple

Jamilyn and I have been together for a little while now, because of the nature of our relationship (LDR) we will spend 3 weeks apart and then up to 3 weeks together.

An accurate portrayal of our relationship.

An accurate portrayal of our relationship.

This creates a bit of a strange dynamic.

We’ve fantasized about what it would be like to live in the same city. I told her I’d come to her house and throw rocks at her window.

We could hang out whenever we wanted to but still have our space when we needed it.

However, that isn’t the case and probably never will be. When I visit or when she visits me we spend all of our time together, for better or worse tensions can rise.

Like every other couple, we have had some pretty ridiculous fights.

 

Jamilyn is an only child and I’m the oldest of 4 kids, so our ideas of “sharing” vary greatly.

Here are some of the ridiculous things we’ve fought about.

1. Chips

K, so my girlfriend and I love snacking. It’s not exactly a healthy habit, but its one that we both share.

The chips fight first began when she accused me of eating “too many” (she says “NO, ALL”) chips from the bag.

 

She accused me of this a few times before she decided that we would get separate chips. She would get a bag and I would get a bag. She refuses to share these chips.

She literally won’t even share one chip with me OR when she does she literally finds the smallest chip in the bag.

It still drives me nuts – THEY’RE JUST CHIPS FFS! But, I can respect that she hates sharing so now I just quietly steal a few chips while she’s at work just to be spiteful.

2. Her laptop

“You know those people that walk into a room and immediately act way too comfortable – that’s the way you treat my laptop.” – Jamilyn

Jamilyn has a job (unlike her unemployed loser girlfriend who steals her chips) so when she’s gone to work and I’m visiting, I use her laptop.

(I mean, we do use *my* Netflix.) 

Edit: No we effing don’t. We use MY Netflix most of the time until it starts to mess up. Also, I had Netflix first. She used MINE first. – Jamilyn

One time I downloaded Hola Unblocker (to watch Murrican netflix) while she was at work and she was miffed.

She said that she knew it came from a place of love, but to never ever download anything onto her laptop without her around again.

I do understand where she’s coming from, so I haven’t downloaded anything onto her laptop since then (I get her back with the chips).

3. Cuddling

Dating Jamilyn is sort of like dating a cat, and I mean that in both the sweetest and non-furry way possible.

If I’m on my phone, she starts cuddling me and begging for my attention.

If I want to kiss her and she’s not in the mood, she will go sit on the end of the bed and tell me to stop.

I’m a very affectionate person and Jamilyn is sometimes affectionate and other times she wants me to leave her completely alone.

It’s not even like she’s mad at me or annoyed (or so she says) but she just doesn’t feel affectionate on that particular day.

After crying a few times and questioning whether or not she really loved me (I’m a little dramatic) I’m trying to adjust and not take it personally because she is absolutely entitled to do whatever she wants with herself and her body.

I have nothing but respect and love for her, so I have to shift my attitude.

4. Helping out with chores

This one is ridiculous only because of how the fight plays out between us.

Jamilyn absolutely hates when I help with cooking and cleaning, she wants to do it by herself.

I feel incredibly guilty and weirdly oppressive if I do not help her with the cooking/cleaning.

It took me weeks to convince her to let me do at least the dishes (because she’s really slow at doing them).

She likes doing things in a particular way and I only get in the way when I try to help.

I’m trying to just sit quietly and let her take care of me, because I know its important for her to do things in her way.

It just kills me. 

5. Who gets to wear the plaid

I love plaid.

The last time I went shopping, this was all I bought.

The last time I went shopping, this was all I bought.

The first time I met Jamilyn, I’m pretty sure I was rocking a plaid shirt.

When the City & Colour concert I had bought tickets for way back in December (I was hopeful and it paid off) came around, Jamilyn messaged me:

jami-1 jami-2And so began the plaid debate, I tried to wear mine on the trip down to Toronto and she said to me “If you put that on I swear to god I am not sitting with you” with mock rage. I decided against wearing the plaid.

It seems that the concert has awoken in her a sense of hipsterdom that had lain dormant and now her plaid shirt seems to be her favourite, much to my rustic Canadiana style’s dismay.

I personally think plaid is my thing, but if she wants to wear it occasionally I guess that’s okay.

All joking aside, we’ve disagreed over many many things and I’m sure we will disagree about many more.

We’ve argued about more serious things as well, like jealousy and trust issues.

Fighting is awkward and painful, but its an inevitable part of welcoming another person into your life.

Jamilyn and I had a lengthy discussion about arguing the other night. She told me that it was okay, as long as our fighting did not turn toxic and malicious.

It may piss me off that she’s anti-sharing and pro-hogging the plaid, but I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone and she keeps me honest.

Look at that beautiful smile <3

Look at that beautiful smile ❤

Even when we fight, there is still nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.

Do you have any ridiculous fighting stories? Share them in the comments 🙂

I want to start off by saying that by no means am I ashamed of being a lesbian.

I am happy to be in love and living my life as I see fit.

My girlfriend (the cute girl in this picture) is in the red jacket, I'm in the blue scarf.  Isn't she gorgeous?

My girlfriend (the cute girl in this picture) is in the red jacket, I’m in the blue scarf. Isn’t she gorgeous?

I have an amazing, kind, beautiful, smart, funny and supportive girlfriend who brings me a ton of joy.

I am, however, ashamed of the deep fear I have of showing any kind of physical affection to my girlfriend when its just the two of us and when we aren’t in a queer space (by that I mean at a queer event, or a gay bar).

————

When I first came out, I had absolutely no fear about public displays of affection.

I was bold, it didn’t matter who saw me or what they said. I wasn’t worried about what would happen to me or my girlfriends; I didn’t think anything could.

However, that feeling of security began to wear out.

When I had first come out, I had isolated myself. I spent my time either in the village or on campus. I was always surrounded by queer folk or queer friendly folk and if an odd incident happened we could have each others’ backs.

I kind of forgot that the world isn’t quite as open or understanding.

Firstly, the stares drive me nuts. I hate being stared at. People will stare at you when you’re holding hands with a girl. They will stare at you if you’re sitting “too closely” on the subway. They will stare at you if you’ve got your arm around her waist.

Click on the picture for the source.

It’s uncomfortable to be watched, even if it isn’t necessarily for a negative reason.

Next is men making comments.

“Yeaaaah that’s so hot.”

“You want to come home with me/us?”

“Yeaaaah keep going” (That one particularly grossed me out and I would always stop).

“Now I have something to think about later.”

“Hey, we have blow – you should come over to our house.”

“Why are you with her? You should get with a man.”

“You want to make out with my girlfriend?”

“Can you two make out again? We’ll buy you drinks.”

It’s disgusting. It’s totally disgusting.

You know, its one thing if my guy friends are joking with me and I’m joking back BUT these are strangers and those are all things that have actually been said to me in public with my girlfriends.

Last year I was out with one of my friends; she was sexually assaulted and when I stepped between them I was assaulted.

A grown man punched me in the face. It was not a homophobic attack (there was no reason for him to expect me to be gay) but it did shatter my false reality that the world was a safe place. I didn’t really think that people could be so violent with strangers (and that sentiment is coming from a place of privilege).

It made me very aware that people will physically harm people and it can be for no reason at all.

When you pile up the stress of dealing with rude comments with the potential for violence, it makes the “radical” notion of showing affection towards my girlfriend much harder to do.

—————

I feel the need to change and to be less afraid.

I hold her hand at restaurants if we’re out with her mom, I will kiss her at house parties and I will dance with her if we’re at gay bars.

I don’t mind doing it if we have people around us who will help keep us safe.

But if we’re in public and alone, I get nervous. I look around before I kiss her (which kind of kills the romance).

Look at how cute she is? It's hard not to want to kiss her all the time.

Look at how cute she is! It’s hard not to want to kiss her all the time.

My girlfriend doesn’t push me, but I know she would like me to kiss her without worry.

She sent me this video and told me to go to 4:57.

Visibility is super important in our community.

I know it can be really difficult at times, but it helps to show the world that there are many of us and that it’s okay to be who you are. It can help younger queer people see that they are not alone.

It also helps make seeing queer couples more normal. It will help slow down the stares and the awkwardness if people become accustomed to seeing queer couples showing any kind of physical affection towards each other.

Last night we hosted a Coming Out Party at Glendon where we each shared our stories of coming out and our experiences. It was powerful and moving, we had over 20 people speak and it reinforced this need to continue to be visible and to be openly gay, even when its hard.

Be strong and be brave but don’t be stupid. Getting your head kicked in by some homophobic monster is not worth it, but if you can handle the annoyance and deal with some of the BS you will make it easier for other people.

I’m working on it.

This is a post I have been struggling to write, simply because it’s something that varies between couples and experiences.

I am no relationship expert, just a person who’s gone through various experiences of dating. I’m young and foolish. Some reading this may laugh at my hope and perceived naivete, but I’m going to take the plunge and write anyway.

I met my girlfriend, Katelyn, in August. I’d heard a bit about her from my cousin who worked with her and I was curious to meet her. Another lesbian who lived in Midland! But, I liked to think I was a logical person and that there was no way I’d get into a relationship with someone from home, that would be stupid. She lived two hours away! My life was in Toronto; I just came home to relax over the summer. Long distance wouldn’t work! It would be a short summer fling and then I’d go back to Toronto and my “real” life.

But, you know what they say about the best laid plans… especially the ones you make up in your head before you meet the person.

This is the goof who ruined my plans.

This is the goof who ruined my plans.

Maybe our first kiss sealed my fate. We were on my beach, sitting on the rocks and the full moon was high over the lake. It was wavy, so the moon’s reflection made it look like there were a thousand stars sparkling in the water. She told me “No one ever kisses me first” (lamest line ever) and I, obviously, fell for it. Then after that I fell for her.

I know that sounds super cheesy, I’m a dork, but it was actually like that. 

Anyway, it’s been a little over six months and I’m still dating this sweet, gorgeous, animal loving, line cook/future culinary superstar.

We’re lucky, because we only live 2 hours away from each other. However, we’re both broke and busy with our lives – so we only get to see each other when we have the time (AND money) to do so.

It can be really challenging, but there are some things that can make it easier.

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I love this girl. Obviously.

So here are my tips to try to make it work!

1. Patience

Patience is a virtue and also incredibly important. It’s easy to get frustrated when you’re waiting for a phone call and it comes 30 minutes later, or to get mad when your partner has had a bad day and you think they’re taking it out on you.

Talk it out, ask questions and figure it out. When you’re communicating mostly through text messages, broken Skype calls or over the phone it’s easy to misinterpret what’s going on.

2. Be supportive

Sometimes it’s easy to resent what your partner is doing – after all it’s keeping them away from you! Remember that you’re also doing your thing and you want your partner to be proud of you too. Support them as best you can and give them words of encouragement. Nothing makes me happier than a text from my girlfriend, telling me that she’s proud of what I’m doing.

3. Visit during special occasions 

This can be impossible for some couples, but it’s worth spending the money/taking the time off to hang out on important days. I love Halloween and Katelyn made the effort to come down and spend the holiday with me, it made it so much better. She also surprised me for my house warming and I was floored, she is the biggest sweetheart ever.

We were vampires for Halloween.

We were vampires for Halloween.

4. Trust

This can be really challenging, because you never really know what your partner is up to, who they’re with or what they’re doing. But you have to trust them. Not only with their locations and whereabouts, but you should assume that your partner isn’t actively looking to hurt you or be selfish. If you really think they’re up to no good, maybe you should reconsider the commitment you made to them.

5. Communication

This is an incredibly important part of a long distance relationship. Katelyn and I call each other every single night before we go to bed and we text during the day. However, it is important to still communicate with the people who are around you.

Nowadays everyone is on their phone 24/7 but don’t forget that it’s important to engage the people around you. Neither one of you will be fulfilling your engagements if  you’re constantly texting each other, not to mention your friends will start feeling forgotten and you need to maintain all of your relationships.

On the difficult days, remember the reasons why you’re with them.

Her cuddling with my dog... isn't she cute?

Her cuddling with my dog… isn’t she cute?

I am committed to Katelyn because she’s the kindest person I know. She’s so sweet, she makes me laugh, she’s great with animals and she is driven. She’s also a great cook. She gets along well with my family (even though they’re crazy). She makes me feel loved and cared for. Sometimes she drives me completely insane and stresses me out. But she isn’t perfect and neither am I. We’re great when we’re together, it’s hard when we’re apart but we’re still in the early stages of our relationship and getting to know each other. She’s worth it and I plan on being with her for as long as she can put up with me.

If your partner is worth it – don’t give up!

There's some blog PDA. I had to, I'm sorry.

There’s some PDA. I had to, I’m sorry.

Are you in a long distance relationship? How do you make it work?