“Dating in the gay world is like finding a job, you either have to do it on the internet or get referred” (need source).
I used to be a jerk about online dating.
“I’d never do that!”
“Looking online for a date is for sad old people.”
“I want an *authentic* connection with someone.”
I had a bit of a pattern of dating my friends’ lesbian/bi friends.
And by “a pattern” I mean literally everyone I dated (aside from my first girlfriend) was a friends’ gay friend.
“OMG Krista! You’d really love [insert name here]! She’s really pretty and she’s GAY… well sort of gay, she likes girls and you like girls! So YAY DATE!”
And to be honest my criteria (up until recently) was:
Is she pretty?
Is she gay/bi/queer?
If both of those were met (or at least the gay/queer/bi part) I would date the girl.
It would without fail lead to these horrendously drawn out relationships or pointless flings that would always inevitably fail miserably or be super awkward or both.
And then when my last long term relationship failed (as it was inevitably going to) I decided it was time I tried something different.
I created two profiles, one with OkCupid and another with Plenty of Fish.
I would troll through the endless feeds of women and gave out my number a bunch of times and added a few of them on Facebook.
We’d text for a day or two and it would fizzle into nothing.
At one point I’d even asked two best friends out, which was really really awkward and I just decided to ignore it and stop talking to both of them.
One of the advantages of online dating is that, while yes there is someone on the other side of the screen, if it fizzles out you don’t have their best friend asking “Oh, what happened?? I thought you two would be SO great together.” There’s no awkward connection between you and your ex-situation.
After a few weeks of being on these websites I considered giving up. It was boring, time consuming and it made me feel shallow.
I won’t pretend online dating isn’t shallow, it absolutely is.
You’re scrolling through pictures and talking to the people you find attractive.
I was scrolling and scrolling, I had deleted my OkCupid and was debating deleting POF.
And then I stumbled across this ridiculously hot girl.
“Oooh, she’s in Early Childhood Education… that means she likes kids!”
“She likes HISTORY?! I’m a huge History nerd!”
“Her dad owns a music store? And SHE SINGS!?”
“Holy crap, she’s so pretty… why is she online?”
And that’s when I decided to message her.
Through some divine miracle in the exact second I sent my message, she messaged me.
Because this is my blog and I want to share the story of our first date, I’m going to segway slightly off topic to talk about it.
I was heading home for Thanksgiving and I went to Collingwood. Jamilyn decided she wanted to meet up with me sooner than we initially planned so she drove all the way over to see me.
I had told her before I met her that so long as we clicked in real life, I really wanted to make her my girlfriend (talk about pressure Batman).
We grabbed coffee. She absolutely hated hers (because she hates coffee) and I burned the sh*t out of my tongue and tried in vain to hide it.
After we left the coffee shop and then we awkwardly walked around the waterfront in Collingwood.
I was trying to find a semi secluded place to kiss all up on her beautiful face, I failed and we settled on a picnic table.
She sat down on the opposite side of the table from me, nerves combined with poor judgement led me to devise a pretty terrible plan that would lead me to sit next to her.
In this terrible plan, I decided to show her a video on my phone because she said she liked YouTube. Since I was so nervous, the only video I could think to show was True Facts About Ducks because we watched it during D Frosh training and I had told her about Frosh week.
Somehow that and showing her my drag performance gave her enough confidence to sing for me.
After she was done singing all I could say was:
“I really want to kiss you right now”.
She smiled at me and shrugged then the rest is history. (See people, consent *is* sexy).
We’ve been dating for a while now and I honestly think she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
We’re both weirdos in the exact same way. We have similar values and want the same things in life.
I don’t have to hide anything from her and she loves me exactly as I am, flaws and all.
She is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner and I don’t think I would have found her if it weren’t for the internet.
Just a few tips for dating online:
– Always meet up in a public place.
– If the person seems sketchy you should definitely bail.
– Tell a friend that you’re going on a date and where you’ll be. Meet up somewhere you’re familiar with.
– Have fun!
– Don’t settle. The world is full of awesome people and you deserve happiness.
– Post cute pictures of yourself but include ones from different angles (people assume you aren’t so cute if your pictures are all from your good side).
– Check what kind of relationship they’re looking for. If you’re poly, you may want to look for other folks who are as well. I’m monogamous, so I made sure to only look for other women who felt the same way.
– Less is more. Don’t overshare, let people get to know you.
– Don’t lie. If you get into a serious relationship and then have to admit that you actually really hate Arcade Fire, it will be uncomfortable for everyone involved.
That’s about it!
If you’re single and looking, don’t limit yourself!
You could meet some awesome friends or maybe even find your soulmate.
Do you have any awkward or awesome online dating stories? Comment below!