Archives for category: Personal

Hi!

I have a new going blog called The Plaid is Mine

This blog has been an absolute pleasure to work on, but now that I’ve graduated I have to move on to different things.

I hope you’ll follow me there!

All of my love,

Krista

Jamilyn and I have been together for a little while now, because of the nature of our relationship (LDR) we will spend 3 weeks apart and then up to 3 weeks together.

An accurate portrayal of our relationship.

An accurate portrayal of our relationship.

This creates a bit of a strange dynamic.

We’ve fantasized about what it would be like to live in the same city. I told her I’d come to her house and throw rocks at her window.

We could hang out whenever we wanted to but still have our space when we needed it.

However, that isn’t the case and probably never will be. When I visit or when she visits me we spend all of our time together, for better or worse tensions can rise.

Like every other couple, we have had some pretty ridiculous fights.

 

Jamilyn is an only child and I’m the oldest of 4 kids, so our ideas of “sharing” vary greatly.

Here are some of the ridiculous things we’ve fought about.

1. Chips

K, so my girlfriend and I love snacking. It’s not exactly a healthy habit, but its one that we both share.

The chips fight first began when she accused me of eating “too many” (she says “NO, ALL”) chips from the bag.

 

She accused me of this a few times before she decided that we would get separate chips. She would get a bag and I would get a bag. She refuses to share these chips.

She literally won’t even share one chip with me OR when she does she literally finds the smallest chip in the bag.

It still drives me nuts – THEY’RE JUST CHIPS FFS! But, I can respect that she hates sharing so now I just quietly steal a few chips while she’s at work just to be spiteful.

2. Her laptop

“You know those people that walk into a room and immediately act way too comfortable – that’s the way you treat my laptop.” – Jamilyn

Jamilyn has a job (unlike her unemployed loser girlfriend who steals her chips) so when she’s gone to work and I’m visiting, I use her laptop.

(I mean, we do use *my* Netflix.) 

Edit: No we effing don’t. We use MY Netflix most of the time until it starts to mess up. Also, I had Netflix first. She used MINE first. – Jamilyn

One time I downloaded Hola Unblocker (to watch Murrican netflix) while she was at work and she was miffed.

She said that she knew it came from a place of love, but to never ever download anything onto her laptop without her around again.

I do understand where she’s coming from, so I haven’t downloaded anything onto her laptop since then (I get her back with the chips).

3. Cuddling

Dating Jamilyn is sort of like dating a cat, and I mean that in both the sweetest and non-furry way possible.

If I’m on my phone, she starts cuddling me and begging for my attention.

If I want to kiss her and she’s not in the mood, she will go sit on the end of the bed and tell me to stop.

I’m a very affectionate person and Jamilyn is sometimes affectionate and other times she wants me to leave her completely alone.

It’s not even like she’s mad at me or annoyed (or so she says) but she just doesn’t feel affectionate on that particular day.

After crying a few times and questioning whether or not she really loved me (I’m a little dramatic) I’m trying to adjust and not take it personally because she is absolutely entitled to do whatever she wants with herself and her body.

I have nothing but respect and love for her, so I have to shift my attitude.

4. Helping out with chores

This one is ridiculous only because of how the fight plays out between us.

Jamilyn absolutely hates when I help with cooking and cleaning, she wants to do it by herself.

I feel incredibly guilty and weirdly oppressive if I do not help her with the cooking/cleaning.

It took me weeks to convince her to let me do at least the dishes (because she’s really slow at doing them).

She likes doing things in a particular way and I only get in the way when I try to help.

I’m trying to just sit quietly and let her take care of me, because I know its important for her to do things in her way.

It just kills me. 

5. Who gets to wear the plaid

I love plaid.

The last time I went shopping, this was all I bought.

The last time I went shopping, this was all I bought.

The first time I met Jamilyn, I’m pretty sure I was rocking a plaid shirt.

When the City & Colour concert I had bought tickets for way back in December (I was hopeful and it paid off) came around, Jamilyn messaged me:

jami-1 jami-2And so began the plaid debate, I tried to wear mine on the trip down to Toronto and she said to me “If you put that on I swear to god I am not sitting with you” with mock rage. I decided against wearing the plaid.

It seems that the concert has awoken in her a sense of hipsterdom that had lain dormant and now her plaid shirt seems to be her favourite, much to my rustic Canadiana style’s dismay.

I personally think plaid is my thing, but if she wants to wear it occasionally I guess that’s okay.

All joking aside, we’ve disagreed over many many things and I’m sure we will disagree about many more.

We’ve argued about more serious things as well, like jealousy and trust issues.

Fighting is awkward and painful, but its an inevitable part of welcoming another person into your life.

Jamilyn and I had a lengthy discussion about arguing the other night. She told me that it was okay, as long as our fighting did not turn toxic and malicious.

It may piss me off that she’s anti-sharing and pro-hogging the plaid, but I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone and she keeps me honest.

Look at that beautiful smile <3

Look at that beautiful smile ❤

Even when we fight, there is still nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.

Do you have any ridiculous fighting stories? Share them in the comments 🙂

As far as I know, I’ve graduated from Glendon. I mean, I got invited to convocation and I haven’t heard anything suggesting that I’ve done anything but graduate – but I won’t feel 100% confident until I receive absolute confirmation that I have finished this degree.

I left Toronto 3 weeks(?) ago.

In that time I took a test for a job that I do not have the skills for and did not pass this test.

I mean, I didn’t fail *miserably* but I didn’t reach the “competitive range”.

I went back down to the city for the first time as a tourist – going to the ACC for a City & Colour concert and the ROM (first time going to the ROM since elementary school and its after I left the city).

I had an interesting Mother’s Day.

I became really stressed out about finding a job.

I realised that there are no jobs that even require a uni degree anywhere I want to live.

I cried over how my degree has done nothing for me other than make me eligible for positions that high school graduates can get.

I cried some more over being a loser and taking 5 years to do a general BA.

I cried over: “Of course your degree is useless – I told you years ago that you should change programs and you *refused* to listen to me”. (Not the support I was looking for).

 

I have since become hell bent on getting a job with either Parks Canada or Ontario Parks.

Why?

I love being outside.

I loved interpreting to people where I used to work.

I love teaching people but I don’t want to be a teacher (right now).

I am resolute to find a job where my university degree will serve me and I refuse to have spent 5 years studying Canada for nothing.

 

 

Captain Canuck save me!

In the meantime, I’m going to have to find some kind of job so I can start paying back the insane debt I’ve wracked up over the last 5 years but I’m enjoying bumming around Western Ontario and hiding out at my girlfriend’s house.

 

PS: This is just a sassy post, there are plenty of good things going on right now, there will be another update soon.

 

 

Dear Toronto,

I’m breaking up with you.

You are a beautiful city and it has been a privilege to live in you for the past 5 years, however sadly our love affair is drawing to a close.

When I was 17 years old you seduced me with your bright lights, diverse population and delicious food.

I was mesmerized by your beautiful little bilingual campus – it echoed of home while I had the world at my doorstep.

Oh Glendon, you sexy beast you.

This little campus, tucked away in the Northern part of the city has been my home base for the past 5 years.

Glendon provided me a safe haven to let my rainbow flag fly and become the person I am today.

It introduced me to some of my best friends and some beautiful people who have fallen out of my life as the years have gone by.

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Korean BBQ

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Olympics 2010 in Wood Residence after Team Canada beat the USA for Gold in Men’s hockey.

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Snowball 2011

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Road trip this summer with Glendon friends!

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Working with these goofs for the past several years has been all kinds of amazing

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Haunting The Unicorn pre-Frosh week

Glendon’s students elected me time and time again for various positions and entrusted me with the opportunity to travel across the city and province to represent them.

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CFS Ontario meeting in 2010

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Pride 2012 with my brother from another mother

GCSU council retreat 2013

GCSU council retreat 2013

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Elections 2011

Election Poster things.

Election Poster 2012

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Glgbt* 2010

Glendon’s employers hired me which allowed me to be fed and gave me the opportunity to share my love for this pretty little campus.

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At the end of Don training in 2011

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Telling people about the best bilingual school in Toronto!

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Spirit Squad 2012

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Frosh Week 2013 #REDTEAM

Oh Glendon, I’ve also loved you dearly. 

I even brought my friends from home down to visit her one summer!

However, our long time together is coming to an end. I’ve changed and you haven’t.

It’s come to a point where we just want different things in life.

I am sad. We have really great memories together.

I will always remember hanging out in the park behind the AGO on lazy summer afternoons.

And turning 19 and celebrating it in the village.

Hanging out at my friends’ houses at College and Bathurst.

Late night street meat and shawarma.

Sushi… pizza… real Italian food…!

Staying up all night for Nuit Blanche.

Nuit Blanche 2009

Nuit Blanche 2009

Heading down to hang out in front of the ACC to watch the Leafs play their final game of the playoffs with a bunch of Glendonites and 2000 other fans.

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Leafs final game of the playoffs 2013

Seeing the late Jack Layton in 2011

Seeing the late Jack Layton in 2011

Then there are hundreds of events which I don’t have pictures of:

– riding the TTC at ungodly hours

– going to the AGO

– PATIOS ❤

– seeing movies at the TIFF Bell lightbox

– playing Cards Against Humanity at Snakes and Lattes

– nights out in the village

– going to Starbucks (those are actually pretty rare outside of Toronto)

– spending Canada Day on the beach

– the Distillery District

– checking out HotDocs

– treks out to Etobicoke

– walking around Little Italy

– strolling around Kensington

– taking my little brother to the Army Surplus store…

I love you and I would not trade my experience of living in this city for anything.

It was an excellent place to come of age and discover myself.

You gave me opportunities that were unique only to you and I’m proud to have lived in the largest city in Canada.

No matter where I go next, your cityscape has been inscribed in my memory.

I started off not even knowing how to pay for the bus and now I’m comfortable heading anywhere in the city. It was quite the learning curve, but now I feel comfortable using public transit anywhere in the world.

Toronto you have shown me a lot of love over the past 5 years and its not you, its me.

I’m homesick for quiet nights, I miss bonfires and the silence of a small town.

Its hard to compete with somewhere as beautiful and serene as this.

Its hard to compete with somewhere as beautiful and serene as this.

I miss the fresh air.

I’m weary of the TTC.

I’m fed up with your mayor.

And most importantly, I’m ready for some new adventures.

Toronto, I will always love you – I’m just no longer *in love* with you.

With all of my love,

Krista

“Dating in the gay world is like finding a job, you either have to do it on the internet or get referred” (need source).

I used to be a jerk about online dating.

“I’d never do that!”

“Looking online for a date is for sad old people.”

“I want an *authentic* connection with someone.”

ETC. ETC.
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I had a bit of a pattern of dating my friends’ lesbian/bi friends. 

And by “a pattern” I mean literally everyone I dated (aside from my first girlfriend) was a friends’ gay friend.

“OMG Krista! You’d really love [insert name here]! She’s really pretty and she’s GAY… well sort of gay, she likes girls and you like girls! So YAY DATE!”

And to be honest my criteria (up until recently) was:

Is she pretty?

Is she gay/bi/queer?

If both of those were met (or at least the gay/queer/bi part) I would date the girl.

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It would without fail lead to these horrendously drawn out relationships or pointless flings that would always inevitably  fail miserably or be super awkward or both.

And then when my last long term relationship failed (as it was inevitably going to) I decided it was time I tried something different.

I created two profiles, one with OkCupid and another with Plenty of Fish.

I would troll through the endless feeds of women and gave out my number a bunch of times and added a few of them on Facebook.

We’d text for a day or two and it would fizzle into nothing.

At one point I’d even asked two best friends out, which was really really awkward and I just decided to ignore it and stop talking to both of them.

One of the advantages of online dating is that, while yes there is someone on the other side of the screen, if it fizzles out you don’t have their best friend asking “Oh, what happened?? I thought you two would be SO great together.” There’s no awkward connection between you and your ex-situation.

After a few weeks of being on these websites I considered giving up. It was boring, time consuming and it made me feel shallow.

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I won’t pretend online dating isn’t shallow, it absolutely is.

You’re scrolling through pictures and talking to the people you find attractive.

I was scrolling and scrolling, I had deleted my OkCupid and was debating deleting POF.

And then I stumbled across this ridiculously hot girl.

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“Oooh, she’s in Early Childhood Education… that means she likes kids!”

“She likes HISTORY?! I’m a huge History nerd!”

“Her dad owns a music store? And SHE SINGS!?”

“Holy crap, she’s so pretty… why is she online?”

And that’s when I decided to message her.

Through some divine miracle in the exact second I sent my message, she messaged me.

After a few hours we exchanged numbers and we chatted each other up and then I managed to trick her into meeting me IRL.
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Because this is my blog and I want to share the story of our first date, I’m going to segway slightly off topic to talk about it.

I was heading home for Thanksgiving and I went to Collingwood. Jamilyn decided she wanted to meet up with me sooner than we initially planned so she drove all the way over to see me. 

I had told her before I met her that so long as we clicked in real life, I really wanted to make her my girlfriend (talk about pressure Batman). 

We grabbed coffee. She absolutely hated hers (because she hates coffee) and I burned the sh*t out of my tongue and tried in vain to hide it.

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I, on the other hand was a complete cigarette and coffee fiend

 

After we left the coffee shop and then we awkwardly walked around the waterfront in Collingwood. 

I was trying to find a semi secluded place to kiss all up on her beautiful face, I failed and we settled on a picnic table.

She sat down on the opposite side of the table from me, nerves combined with poor judgement led me to devise a pretty terrible plan that would lead me to sit next to her.

In this terrible plan, I decided to show her a video on my phone because she said she liked YouTube. Since I was so nervous, the only video I could think to show was True Facts About Ducks because we watched it during D Frosh training and I had told her about Frosh week.

Somehow that and showing her my drag performance gave her enough confidence to sing for me.
After she was done singing all I could say was:

“I really want to kiss you right now”.

She smiled at me and shrugged then the rest is history. (See people, consent *is* sexy).

We’ve been dating for a while now and I honestly think she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

We’re both weirdos in the exact same way. We have similar values and want the same things in life.

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I don’t have to hide anything from her and she loves me exactly as I am, flaws and all.

She is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner and I don’t think I would have found her if it weren’t for the internet.

I am incredibly grateful and happy I decided to rise above how judgemental I was and open myself up to a new experience.
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Just a few tips for dating online:

– Always meet up in a public place.
– If the person seems sketchy you should definitely bail.
– Tell a friend that you’re going on a date and where you’ll be. Meet up somewhere you’re familiar with.
– Have fun!
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– Don’t settle. The world is full of awesome people and you deserve happiness.
– Post cute pictures of yourself but include ones from different angles (people assume you aren’t so cute if your pictures are all from your good side).
– Check what kind of relationship they’re looking for. If you’re poly, you may want to look for other folks who are as well. I’m monogamous, so I made sure to only look for other women who felt the same way.
– Less is more. Don’t overshare, let people get to know you.
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– Don’t lie. If you get into a serious relationship and then have to admit that you actually really hate Arcade Fire, it will be uncomfortable for everyone involved.

That’s about it!
If you’re single and looking, don’t limit yourself!

You could meet some awesome friends or maybe even find your soulmate.

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🙂
Do you have any awkward or awesome online dating stories? Comment below!

I found some posts on tumblr that inspired me to write this piece.

This is my advice on how to make the most out of your time in university.

1.

tumblr_myabtqV1CB1r4ueyro1_500You should re-evaluate your expectations of university/your life.

If I’ve learned anything in university, its that I don’t really know anything and that expectations vs reality will never entirely match up.

Drop your expectations and let your university experience shape you and who you will become.

it’s not about finding yourself. it’s about losing yourself completely and trusting that the world around you is going to shape who you are and that it’s okay. (advice to a friend many years ago).

Appreciate this opportunity.

Even when you have 3 papers due and you’ve procrastinated until the night before and you want to kill someone because you’re over caffeinated and over tired, you’re still getting an opportunity many dream of and its important to be grateful.

Appreciate everyone you meet in university: the older students who take you under their wings, the professors (even the ones you hate) and your friends in your first year.

University will be a trying time.

You will have sad days, angry days, stressful days, happy days and some days you’ll feel like giving up. Just keep going.

2.

tumblr_mxk4eq9Lbh1qjm9bpo1_500You are now responsible for yourself.

This means:

Your happiness.

Your cleanliness.

Your education.

Your path.

All of those things are 100% on you.

You are an adult, a very young one, but an adult no less.

It’s time to cut the cord and sail off on your adventure.

Things will not always go your way and you will face many barriers.

They could be as difficult as failing a course, dealing with bullies in residence and/or falling in love with the wrong person(/people).

You’re going to make some bad choices, but that’s okay – its about learning from those mistakes and moving forward.

Forgive yourself and forgive your friends for not always saying the right thing.

We’re all in this together.

3.

You will be the most loved when you smile and are happy.

I’ve battled with depression and anxiety.

I’ve had many other very difficult situations happen.

But, I survived.

I look to make other people smile and make them laugh. I still have very dark days and can often be very negative (call it a disposition if you must).

When I did Frosh week this year and tried to share my joy and love for my friends and this school – I had an awakening.

You can change and you can be happy and you can fill yourself with love.

You can create love in yourself.

When you begin to share love, and share it intentionally it will come back to you tenfold.

4.

1982020_10154071533570107_1921064368_nOne day you’re going to wake up and realize 2009 wasn’t yesterday, it was 5 years ago.

It was fast but it was packed full of memories of happiness, heartbreak, love, stress and growth.

You will see who you’ve become.

Try not to rush to grow up; give yourself the time you need.

You life will hopefully be long and its not a race.

It’s life.

There is no metaphor, analogy or simile that can adequately describe the journey you are on.

Just live it and be.

Breathe.

You are not alone.

 

I have a massive pet peeve – its people who don’t understand that anything they post online is available to anyone at any time.

I know you’ve already read the stories, that woman who tweeted about her worry of catching AIDS when she went to Africa for a business trip and lost her job to young girls sharing nude photos, the cops seeing your tweet asking to buy recreational drugs and this leading to international news coverage.

This is what you’re doing.

Or maybe you have a friend who took a screenshot of something funny at work, posted it on Facebook and lost their job.

It’s like people magically forget that this happens weekly!

Nothing online is protected or private. 

I love sharing my life online with the people I care about and even strangers who may be able to relate with me, but I’m aware of what I post.

Here are my 3 internet rules:

1. Don’t ever post anything you wouldn’t want someone to read/see.

Don’t be an idiot.

Don’t complain about your job, your boss, your co-workers, etc. You’re just asking to be fired (and no what you post online isn’t protected by privacy laws) and even if they are – it doesn’t matter. You are not as invaluable as you’d like to think you are and if they can’t fire you for that, they’ll find something else to use an excuse, that’s the harsh truth.

Don’t post any confidential information, at all. You will get fired because what you’re doing is illegal.

Do you do drugs? Are you drinking underage/somewhere illegal? Don’t post it on the internet, ever. It will come back to haunt you.

PS: Subtweeting totally counts as complaining, people are not stupid and they will find you.

Future employers absolutely will look into your online life, especially if its a high security or high paying job. Companies do not want to be embarrassed and they will not hire you if your online personality is idiotic.

If you want to make a private tumblr to whine and complain, here are a few tips:

Don’t tag your stuff.

Don’t put your face on it.

Don’t use any specific information/identifiable photographs, etc. People aren’t stupid.

Google has an image search option, remember that.

Don’t use your Gmail that’s on your resume, create a non-descriptive one that you can put all of your stupid social media stuff on.

Do all of this with caution, because you may still be found out. 

2. Password protected/locked doesn’t mean home free

Firstly, there’s this thing called screenshots, where someone can take a picture of their screen and save anything you’ve posted. So even after you’ve deleted it or if its hidden behind a password, people could still save it and prove it was you.

Also, don’t forget about hackers.

Secondly, there’s software that the police and other people have access to that can get past all of your passwords, so don’t be stupid.

3. Could this be misunderstood? If so, don’t post it.

Something you may have meant as an innocent joke could be used against you later, just don’t post it.

In conclusion, you know that expression “think before you speak” well I’d like to add “think and then think again before you post it online”.